Sushi Week, Day 3: Rated PG-13 for Violence


Editors’ Note: Welcome to Day 3 of Sushi Week. Follow the trail backward for more fun.

I knew going into Sushi Week that I would not emerge unscathed. Why, you ask? Several reasons.

A. Sushi prep requires RAZOR sharp knives.

B. David just bought me a new knife.

C. I am clumsy and frantic.

The equation goes a little something like this: A² + B² / Squirrel = Blood.

Josh: So roll one was complete. We were on the road to success. And then I went to the sink to rinse off the knife.

David: Who uses their bare hand to wash a knife I ask you?!! Not only does the sponge aid in the sanitation of the blade but it also protects your fingers from being sliced by the newly sharpened blade.  No one listens to me!

Matthew: I was working diligently on my second roll when I heard the a few choice words come from Josh’s mouth.  I use a sponge at home — but I’m not taking sides.

Josh: Why couldn’t I cut a useless finger, like my ring finger, or my pinky (which you’ll notice throughout these posts is daintily extended as if I were sipping tea)? Nope…had to cut my thumb. I sent David to get band-aids, meanwhile the sushi-making re-commenced.

David: “Sent” is a good word. He definitely did not gently request.

Matthew: Apparently, I was not worried about your finger, I had sushi to make!  I felt like I was in Kathy Lee Gifford’s sweat shop of sushi.  Plus, it seems your battle with plastic wrap had moved to my board … I was in mid-fight with this Saran Wrap demon.

Josh: I was not happy about cutting myself. My sushi stress level had risen, and David kept saying, “raise your hand over your head and it will stop bleeding.” Apparently I was not raising it high enough. Finally, I did as I was told (while giving David the look of death) and Florence Nightengale was able to help me.

David: APPARENTLY he had a different head in mind because the cut hand was at waist level when I said it (again). I was a Boy Scout for pete’s sake!!

Matthew: I just remember David saying, “I was a Boy Scout.  I know what to do.”  I didn’t know that “Application of a Band-Aid” was a badge you could receive as a Boy Scout.  Go figure.  As you can see, I am no where to be found.  I decided not to get involved in the injured squirrel situation … those were death-eyes, I left it to Dr. David, Medicine Woman. Plus, if you notice, Josh has a handful of sticky rice in the other hand…one smack in the face and my eyes would be glued shut!

Josh: So I’m over there practically bleeding to death, and Matthew is going full-steam ahead with his sushi. I guess he wanted me to have a snack for the ambulance ride to St. Vincent’s? Notice the pinky extension.

David: Matthew is really thinking … “Why are Daddy and Daddy fighting?!!”

Matthew: Bleeding to death? It was just a flesh wound.  Put some sticky rice on it…that’ll stop the bleeding. Besides, I had sushi to make!  I was thinking if I made enough I didn’t have to eat Bloody Thumb Roll.  And by the way, I lifted my pinky to keep it away from the knife, Thumbelina! 😉  I was making a tasty Tuna-Avocado Roll with scallions and as you can see, I learned from mistake and was cutting it correctly.  FYI — I did wash the knife very well after Josh’s attempt to filet his thumb.

Josh: Thankfully, David got me all patched up (despite my bitching) and we got back to work. I decided to make one more stab at my rice-outside roll. Would it work this time?

David: After about three “you’re doing it wrong’s” I finally got the band-aid applied to the Princess’s satisfaction and was then relegated to the grill outside to cook up a quesadilla for the photographer so we didn’t have to haul him to St. Vincent’s, too.

Matthew: That band-aid did calm Josh down…or was it the watermelon margaritas David kept feeding us?  Come to think of it, was David the mischief mastermind of the night? Did he think, “Let’s get them tanked and then give them sharp knives so there would be great stories to tell and pictures to take?”  Diabolical, I tell you! I’m surprised I had all my appendages!

Ray: (with camera in hand) Josh, can you cut another finger?  I didn’t get a picture of the first one. Remember, it’s for Kitchen Mischief.

So, crisis was averted. At least for the time-being. But there was much rolling left to do, and we hadn’t even opened the Sake yet. Oh dear Lord…


7 Responses to “Sushi Week, Day 3: Rated PG-13 for Violence”

  1. David Says:

    Worst patient ever!!!

  2. Jennifer Says:

    Too bad someone didn’t turn the camera on Ray as I’m sure he was cracking up the entire time.

    • David Says:

      If I know Ray he’s thinking the best part of being the photographer is you get to pick the subject! He’s one smart boy!

    • Matthew Says:

      Also, Ray gets really involved in making good pictures. He would say, “Josh if you decide to slap David – do it a couple of times so I can get the lighting right.”

      He likes me to slowly turn things on the grill for a good pic while my arm burns and lose arm hair.

  3. Greg Says:

    Considered installing a seating gallery for future mischief events. Might generate some cash.

  4. Jamie Says:

    Maybe sushi rolling should be a badge. With each new task, you get a badge to sew (or super glue – who’s judging) onto you Kitchen Mischief aprons.

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