Say Yes Ma’am to Effeminate Salsa


I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I used to practice salsa discrimination. It was only butch salsas for me — tomato, onion, lime, cilantro. Maybe a little corn or black beans if I was feeling frisky. But that’s it. I was a berry bigot: no fruit allowed in my salsa.

And then one day last year, I had my first fruit salsa experience, and it changed my culinary life. It has taken some confidence, but I’m finally ready to come out of the pantry and show my fruity salsa pride. 😉

I think what kept me away from fruity salsas was the idea of it tipping the savory balance of my meal. I’m a salt guy…and not a huge fan of sweets. But this salsa skirts the threat of sugar overload with a nice balance of heat from the jalapeño and acid from the lime. And of course my beloved cilantro adds a nice kick. Here’s what you need and how I did it.

Watermelon Mango Salsa
-1 cup of watermelon, diced
-1 ripe mango, diced
-1/8 cup red onion, tiny diced
-1 TBSP fresh jalapeño, diced
-juice of one lime
-splash of red wine vinegar
-salt and pepper

First, dice your melon and get it into the bowl. Here’s a tip: Cut atop a paper towel to catch all that sticky juice.

Next, take care of your onion, jalapeño, and cilantro. Dice these super fine so you don’t end up with fiery onion-mouth. Tip: Reserve a little of each to add at the end — these are accent flavors and can easily steal the show.

Now, the mango. This fruit is a bitch. Mangoes have this odd, irregularly shaped pit. Unlike an avocado, it’s never really in the same place, so breaking down a mango is a frustrating mess. Technically, you’re supposed to cut off the “cheeks” of the mango, then make cross-hatch slices then scoop out the cubes. Sounds crazy? It is. Watch how many times I almost cut my fingers!

Speaking of gay salsa…can you get any gayer than a video featuring cutting a mango to the tunes of Lady GaGa? LOL…I “shot” this with Droid, and David added some tunes on top. Thanks, Baby! Aren’t we “faincy” now! (Let me know if you can’t view the video…it’s been giving me fits this morning.) This mango actually cooperated…some are easier than others. All I can say is good luck.

Finish by adding your lime juice and vinegar. If your fruit isn’t really ripe and sweet, add a squirt of honey to balance the flavors. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Here’s the final tip…don’t eat this with chips. I mean, you can, but it’s best with something smoky from the grill. I did a quick marinade for chicken with cumin, chili powder, garlic, red wine vinegar, and lime. I served it with salad and grilled corn. Sort of. We actually ate it with baked sweet potatoes, but they looked nasty on camera so I got out some leftover grilled corn and took the picture with that instead. Ha! Behind the scenes with Kitchen Mischief! 😉

Guess what? Matthew and I have a sushi-making date on Thursday. Watch out, kids! Maybe we’ll even do some video! See you soon!


10 Responses to “Say Yes Ma’am to Effeminate Salsa”

  1. Matthew Says:

    I want to see the video but it won’t let me!!! Grrr.

    I’m excited about sushi-making night. Two things that I worried about: 1.) getting so frustrated at the sushi roll that I eventually just smack someone with it. You will be the closest one, so watch out. 2.) having sushi the size my arm.

    By the way, I’ll have the Ray-Ray bring the HD clip-cam. We’ll try our hand at video.

    • Josh Says:

      I know! The video thing is pissing me off! We’ll look into it. As for the Mondo-Sushi…at least i will be good material! 😉

  2. Jennifer Says:

    There is a wonder gaget called a mango slicer. Works wonders and makes the whole mango salsa process much easier. I think my came from Williams Sonoma but they have at BBB too. I think the salsa tastes great with fish and also do not use chips but usually do wheat thins. and p.s. we need to know how to grill corn, we’ve not been too successful.

    • Josh Says:

      Thanks re: the slicer! As for grilling corn, here’s the way I do it:
      1. keep the husks on, but remove all the silk
      2. rub corn with herb butter, sprinkle with salt, squirt with lime
      3. wrap in foil, grill for 15 to 20 minutes, turning.
      I usually do the corn first, then the meats. This should not be a problem for you. 😉

  3. Seth from Says:

    Oh no! You’ve gone to the dark side! 🙂 Here’s another recipe for non-traditional salsa to serve with meat.

  4. Kitchen Mischief — Bahama Style! « Kitchen Mischief! Says:

    […] for a tropical treat that’s a bit more sanitary, try some grilled shrimp or fish with this Watermelon-Mango Salsa, one of my old favorites. I’m having it tonight and I can’t […]

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