Drunk Week, Day 5: The MISCHIEF!



You know the old saying, “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs,” ? Turns out, you can’t develop a week’s worth of drink recipes (while drinking a week’s worth of recipes) without creating some absolute disasters. So, without further ado…Ladies and Gentlemen, we present—the mischief!

mischief drinksThe Amniotic Mojito
The most distinctive characteristic about mojitos is that mint leaves are muddled (mashed) to give them flavor. So we thought, why not muddle some blackberries or peaches into the mojito? Sounded like a great idea. Turns out not-so-much. The blackberry one looked so nasty, it didn’t even get photographed. This peach one…well…you’ve seen the Miracle of Life, right? I dubbed this drink the Amniotic Mojito. Gross, I know, but so true.
Matthew: The peach mojito tasted good but the texture was like drinking a jellyfish from a glass.  And the blackberry mojito, I don’t want to visualize the horror anymore – make it go away!

Separation Anxiety
Matthew wanted to do a watermelon granita type thing. So we threw some watermelon chunks in the blender, with some lime juice, ice, and vodka. Tasted it…nothing. No flavor. But it sure did look pretty. So we thought…we’ll shoot it anyway. And then it began to separate into two distinct layers…froth and filth. And we had to admit defeat. Another drink for the sink.
Matthew: I was envisioning something like a drunken melon (cutting a hole in a watermelon and putting vodka in it), but after it blended and sat for a while, it separated—it looked like we were separating blood from plasma.

Good Name—Bad Idea
So we made all of those simple syrups for the lemonades, remember? We had some rosemary simple syrup left that we hadn’t used. So I had this awesome idea…a gin and tonic with the rosemary syrup, and lemon instead of lime! It would be a Tuscan Tonic! What an awesome idea! So we made it. And tasted it. And promptly threw it out. It was like drinking straight from the Christmas tree stand. Oh, Tenenbaum!
Matthew: I think we made Pinesol.   This is one of those things you drink or eat and say, “Eww, gross – taste it!”  We passed it around just to see people’s facial expressions.

Keep it Simple, Stupid
After four hours of infusing, muddling, shaking, stirring, zesting, and tasting, we were done. But not David. He grabbed the blender, piled in some vanilla ice cream, milk, and Kahlua. A couple of button pushes later, Chocolate Thunder was born. And it was delicious. It’s a good lesson—sometimes simple is best!
Matthew: The taste of success! This drink was creamy, luscious and oh, so tasty. Godiva chocolate or white chocolate liquor would also be delicious in it.

We hope you enjoyed Drunk Week! The Kitchen Mischief staff will be updating the blog next week from their lavish hospitality suite at the Betty Ford Clinic. Best wishes!

9 Responses to “Drunk Week, Day 5: The MISCHIEF!”

  1. SUSU Says:

    you guys are great…sooooooo funny and creative!!!!…”YEAH” for David’s drink!!!!…hope to meet you Matttew…live and in person…one of these days!!!…love yall…Su…

    • Matthew Says:

      SUSU, I would love to meet you – I think you are one of our biggest fans. You can run for president of our fan club!

  2. Ben Says:

    Awesome week… I will celebrate by buying a new liver!

  3. Jessica Otwell Says:

    Nice photos! Makes me want one now…

    • josh Says:

      thanks, darling! but you definitely don’t want one of those…lord. the tuscan tonic was uber-nasty. 😉

  4. Randy Says:

    Next time you are being a creative bartender, try a Rosemary Rhubarb Martini. Make a brown sugar, rosemary, and rhubarb simple syrup. Then mix with your vodka of choice.

    I am loving your website by the way.

    • josh Says:

      Thanks so much for the comment! I am intrigued by the Rhubarb idea. I’ve actually never bought it or tasted it. Hmmm…sounds like something I need to do. Thanks!

  5. david from the hood Says:

    My, my that is one damn funny story. Bread is one fickle byatch and I am impressed that you attempted a tough recipe like that off the bat. Check out the recipe for the Hawk Bars from the Sept. issue of Bon Appettit for your next challenge. I made them last week and they are beyond delicious. Rich enough to make you sick as a dog too. You will need about three days to make the caco nibs gelato so start on Friday to eat on Sunday. Have a good one!

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