Taken at the beginning, when the kitchen was calm and my hope was alive.
Since it’s been like eight weeks since my last post, you’d think I’d have a fantastic recipe to share today. Afraid not. After spending six hours tinkering in the Kitchen Mischief laboratories, going for the Gold, I ended up with Brown. Here’s what went down.
I set out to create a “Healthy Cookie” for our favorite RPM coach Betsy and our friends at the Jewish Community Center, who are cycling for 6 straight hours on Sunday to raise money to fight ovarian cancer. David came up with the idea, and of course I was all over it. A healthy, guilt-free cookie? I’m on it!
So I took my basic oatmeal cookie recipe and went crazy on it. First mistake: I subbed mashed banana and applesauce for ALL of the butter. BIG mistake. HUGE! (can you hear Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?) It’s funny; I LOVE bananas by themselves, but I HATE anything else that tastes of banana. Banana bread, banana candy, banana chips—barf. I should have known better. I also cut back the sugar, and then added in the mulch: cranberries, pumpkin seeds, walnuts, flax seeds, oats, pine straw, and peat moss.
The dough/batter was simply…odd. I still think the main problem was that damn banana! It gave the whole thing this thick, shiny, sticky, gelatinous texture. To my horror, the batter extended a doughy appendage and to add extra sugar to itself. I tried to stop it, but then we got into a slap fight, like high school girls. Except in this battle, I slapped like Katie Holmes, and it slapped like Venus Williams. I yielded before it tried to rip out my weave.
Defeated, I scooped it onto a cookie sheet, and decided to bake it into submission. While I waited, I turned around to survey my kitchen, AKA the Disaster Zone. Here’s what I saw.
...and that's just half of the kitchen. Mon dieu!
It’s one of those sights that makes your husband’s blood pressure rise. Every bowl dirty. Two, count them—TWO—sets of measuring cups and measuring spoons dirty. A battalion of ingredients open, askew, and ready to be knocked over at any minute. Oh, and flour, almond butter, and flax seeds EVERYWHERE. When mischief hits hard, it’s a sight to see, indeed.
The beep of the oven timer pulled me away from my survey of the disaster zone. With trepidation, I grabbed a mit and peeked in the oven. After 15 minutes at 350°, the “cookies” looked EXACTLY the same as when they went in. My friends, that is not normal!
They bounced like rubber balls. Boing!
So, what did I learn? Well, for starters, I learned that, in my kitchen, bananas will NEVER be considered an ingredient. Second? There is such a thing as too many ingredients (contrary to my culinary philosophy that more is better). Seriously…pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, walnuts, craisins, oats—these cookies were the love children of a Bird Feeder and a Squirrel Feeder. And finally, if you’re going to be peddling for six hours, I’m pretty sure you can afford to eat a normal, delicious cookie that doesn’t taste like you scooped it out of your front flowerbed.
And to Betsy and the gang: No worries—you’re still getting some cookies. Dark Chocolate Coconut Oatmeal Cookies, to be exact. I was going to bring these healthy ones, too…but they got up an ran out the door. They’re probably halfway to Boaz by now. If you’d like to learn more about the fight against ovarian cancer, or even donate to the cause, check out their website: http://www.ovariancycle.org Have a great weekend! 😉
Kitchen Mischief! 