Super-Fast Spicy Hooker Pasta

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Six ingredients...one delicious sauce.

That’s right—I said “Spicy Hooker Pasta” because that’s exactly the mischief you’re in for today. No joke—this sauce really was created by hookers for hookers. Legend says it was cooked up by Italian puttana (ladies of the night) as a quick meal in between gentlemen callers.  It’s basically the Italian hooker version of Rachel Ray’s 30-Minute Meals.

All joking and slander aside, this recipe is great on several levels. First, it’s super fast—from start to finish it takes less than 30 minutes. Basically all the ingredients are jarred and pre-chopped, so you just dump and go. Second, for a pasta dish, it’s pretty healthy. It’s a great go-to-dish for those nights when you’re tired of bland food. Read on.

Super-Pronto Pasta Puttanesca
This recipe serves two—serve the sauce over the pasta of your choice and with the protein of your choice.

1. Put your pasta water on to boil, then combine all of the following ingredients in a bowl:

1 (14.5 oz) can of diced tomatoes (I get the ones with garlic and onions)
1 TBSP capers, drained
¼ cup chopped green olives with pimientos (like manzanilla)
2 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp lemon zest
1/8 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

Seriously...it all goes in one bowl. Wowsa!

2. Throw in the pasta to cook. For two folks, it’s about a quarter of the box. Sprinkle the meat of your choice with salt and pepper and cook in a skillet with 1 TBSP olive oil over medium-high heat. I used tuna fillets, which cook for two minutes per side. You can also use thin chicken or pork cutlets…anything that cooks fast.

3.  Remove the tuna (or pork or chicken) and dump your sauce ingredients into the skillet. Reduce heat and simmer while the pasta finishes—and add ¼ cup chopped parsley to the sauce at the very end. Plate it by starting with the pasta, then top with sauce, then add the meat, then add more sauce.  That’s it! You’re done. Now eat fast and get back on the streets and make some money!

Now that's a meal fit for a prostitute!

So How Healthy Is It?
Using tuna steaks, the sauce and meat adds up to around 260 calories for each serving. Add a serving of pasta, which is 210 calories, and you’ve got a 470-calorie dinner, which is pretty awesome. Round out with a spinach salad with a few other veggies, and you’re looking at a respectable meal. You could even use whole wheat pasta for more nutritional impact, or cut your carbs and serve your puttanesca over canned canellini beans (rinsed, warmed, and seasoned with salt and pepper).

Make it More Authentic
The original recipe calls for a teaspoon of anchovy paste. While it does add a certain indistinguishable richness to the dish, I often leave it out because let’s face it, it smells and looks like canned cat food. Plus the little tubes I get a Publix always seem to ooze anchovy paste oil into my cabinet, and if there’s one thing you DON’T want oozing into your cabinet, it’s greasy fish paste. ;)

Make it Faster
Be sure to buy everything in jars. I often use fresh garlic, but a jar of minced garlic lasts forever in the fridge and shaves 5 minutes of prep time. I also recommend buying your olives pre-sliced…it’s messy to chop olives. Also, use small spoon to get your capers out of the jar…if you try to dump, you end up with caper brine EVERYWHERE. I make that mistake every time. ;)

3 Responses to “Super-Fast Spicy Hooker Pasta”

  1. Matthew Says:

    This was tasty. I made this with canned fire roasted tomatoes and roasted chicken. This a very quick meal – start to finish was about the same time it took the pasta water to boil and pasta to cook.

  2. Coming Soon: Kitchen Mischief Pasta Week! « Kitchen Mischief! Says:

    […] Pasta Puttanesca […]

  3. follower packages Says:

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